Fireflies in a Jar

A Spoonful of Sugar and a Jarful of Fireflies

Today was a pretty bad day. It was the kind of day where I wake up (having barely slept the whole night) and I look up at the ceiling and say to myself, “oh…there is no way I’m getting out of bed to face the day today”.

Those are the days when I wake up with one single spoon* of energy. I can’t muster up the energy to pull my body out of bed, get showered, wash my hair, put on clothing…it’s all too throbbing, painful, and exhausting. Days like this are dangerous because my perspective, my spotlight on life, can so easily flip around and only shine inwards onto my pain. The rest of the world around me goes dark. All I can see is the pain, sadness, depression, and despair because that spotlight is only focusing on it. I’ll admit that I’ve had really bad moments in life when I wanted nothing more than to turn off that light and to just make the pain stop. Those are the days where you have to fight mentally to grab control of your spotlight and flip it around to shine outwards onto the world around you.

When you turn that spotlight around to face the outside world, it can illuminate all the awesome things the world has to offer you. This turning around of the spotlight, however, doesn’t happen easily or instantly.

It can take me hours of arguing with myself to turn that spotlight around. I’d like nothing more than to roll over and go to sleep. To give up. To lay in my bed covered in ice packs and just cry. However, to turn that spotlight around, I rely on tiny fireflies that help guide me to this point. These fireflies light my way and guide to where the spotlight isn’t shining. They pique my curiosity and I follow them until next thing I know, I’m on the other side. I call them fireflies because they are just small things, like a book, a TV show, a good fanfic, a makeup tutorial, a recipe. Something small that changes my focus from myself, to other things in the outside world. That’s when I’m able to flip my spotlight around and see that the outside world exists, and gosh, aren’t I glad I stuck around.

I wanted to share some of these little jars of fireflies with you whenever I’m having an extra tough pain day. I’ll title those post “a spoonful of sugar” or “a jarful of fireflies” so that you can click on them whenever you need a positive boost! Let’s all share our fireflies, our tricks and tips that we use to guide ourselves out of dark places, so that none of our jars are ever empty.

*Spoons are an intangible unit of measurement used to describe how much energy a person with chronic illness has left. This concept of using spoons to describe your energy was created by a writer named Christine Miserandino who suffers from Lupus and was trying to explain to friend what daily life was like. Click her name to read all about the Spoon Theory!

Spoon of Strength